How to start..

So this blog is clearly not only about my child(as I originally thought it would be), but about life--my experiences, my hopes and fears, my lessons and whatever else comes to mind.  It's about moments I want to freeze in time, and as I'll discuss later, moments I wish I could just forget.  

I've sat down to write this post more than once, and it has ended, more than once, with a blank page and a closed browser.  Is it because I'm not ready to write it yet...possibly.  It is because I still don't know what to say...entirely.  

I want to write about the loss of my friend, but I want it to be right.  I want to say the right things and feel the right things...but more than anything, I want the message to be right.  I don't want it to be filled with anger, which if I wrote it today would probably find its' way into my words.  While I don't think my anger is unjustified, it's also not the lasting message I want to present.  I am also at a loss about what to put down...because I still can't believe I am sitting here thinking about writing this message. I'm still so lost. 

Here is what I know for sure:

--I miss my friend.  

--I am sad. I am sad for her parents..and her husband...and for myself (and honestly, I am sad for my son, who won't remember her smile or how she'd get down on his level and say "Hello, Truman")

--There is a literal ache in my chest that hasn't left for 2.5 weeks and when it's quiet I can almost hear the pain. Is that weird?  How does one hear pain?  I'm not sure, but when it's quiet I swear I hear the grief echo in between my ears. 

I know I want to write...I just don't know how to start.  But I know when I am ready, and able, I will.