22

22? 

So who finds it ironic that it’s 2022,  22 months since the world shut down and we are again looking at a school closure due to Covid?  

Heard these lyrics earlier today from our friend Taylor Swift. 

“don't know about you

But I'm feeling 22

Everything will be alright if

You keep me next to you”

Well I know about me, and so far I’m not feeling ‘22..

January is generally a dark month for many. It’s gray, we take down our Christmas decor and did I mention it’s gray? And then in marches Covid, yet again, to remind us that we’re still in this.  That it doesn’t matter who’s next to us, because right now it’s not alright.  ( and this is NOT a post about severity of disease, vaccine efficacy, etc.  This is a post about MY feelings )

A text came through on Sunday afternoon stating that school would be canceled for a few days.  We’re too short staffed to operstd our schools. Thank goodness only a few days and not indefinitely like before.  But still my heart fluttered.  I instantly spun back 22 months and saw the school cancellation memory I scroll through my brain.  I felt the panic.  The chaos.  The lack of control. I felt my empath heart ache— for the kids, the teachers, the scrambling parents.  For all of us that have been living this for 22 months. 22.  

Instead of packing backpacks and readying snacks for tomorrow, I’m sitting here thinking about the number of work meetings I have and how many hours of screen time will that translate to.  How many times will I “shush” my kids and tell them to “wait”? How many minutes of living the boomerang life of Mom and employee? How many minutes of feeling guilty about not being enough on either side of this?  How many minutes of feeling guilty for the privilege I have to work, and keep my kids safely at home, during this time?

I saw something this weekend that read “I’m tired.” And that’s it.  That’s the truth.  I’m so tired.  Tired of the guilt.  Tired of the worry.  Tired of the sadness.  Tired of the anger.  And tired of the tired.  

Friends if you’re tired, you’re not alone.  Share your struggles with others.  You do not have to struggle alone. Check in with your people.  Check in with your kids ( a day of canceled school might sound great but it continues to add to their collective experience.  And turns out they want to go to school) 

I will rise tomorrow and strive to be the best version of me I can be.  But don’t judge if after I do, I need an early bedtime.  

Peace, love and rest.