Back to School

I laid in the dark, early morning hours this morning knowing that in a few hours my kiddos would walk into school.  Tru, for the first time in six months, Fletcher for the first time.  And there have been so many emotions to fill this day. 

In a petulant fashion, I’m mad at the rain for taking away our ability to walk to school together with our friends as we’ve done the past few years.  But that’s ok, traditions can take some tweaking and there will be plenty of beautiful weather walks to school. And an impromptu parking lot meeting worked just fine. 

I’m nervous.  This is the first time in SIX months that I will have been away from my children for more than a few hours. And although I know it will be so good for all of us, it still feels unsettling.  Not knowing what they’re doing and how they’re doing ( and knowing I can’t pop down the hallway to find out ) feels odd after all this time. 

I’m happy.. because they’re happy.  They picked out clothes, got up early and were ready to take on this day. There were smiles, skips, giggles and long hugs goodbye . 

And finally I’m contemplative.  So much is different.. for everyone.  I’ve settled in to being ok with things being different because I think it’s important that I do that for my children. Instead of talking about what we’re missing.. why not talk about what we’re gaining?  Going to school two days a week and learning at home three( or five if you’re totally virtual) isn’t what we planned on.  We planned on teachers teaching, kids learning and parents supporting.  But now all those roles are blended . As a parent, I am learning how to both support and teach my kids.  I get to watch them learn things and do things in a way I haven’t before.  My kids get to learn, but they also are doing  the teaching by showing me how to be adaptable.  And our teachers, our teachers are doing all three of these things at the same time with the eyes of others upon them . I don’t say these things from a perch of perfection, far from it in fact.  I’ve fallen from the tree and hit every branch on the way down more than once.  I’ve cursed and complained and cried .  So I say these things as a reminder to myself because I need to hear it. And as I sit at the bottom and look up, I give myself a minute, take a deep breath and remind myself that I can do hard things.  My kids can do hard things. 

You can do hard things . And we’ll all be stronger and more resilient because of it.