Roller coasters!

 Fun fact about me: I hate roller coasters. Always have. Totally irrational fear. I feel like my feet are going to get cut off. The amusement park industry says its rides are safe, estimating the ​chances​ of being injured at one in 24 million. The chance of being killed at one in 750 million, according to the International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions.

The odds are pretty good there, but I don’t get on them. I hold on tight to the sense of control I have by standing on the ground watching others shriek with delight, or is that terror?

You know what really stinks? Right now, my life feels like a roller coaster. Every day is filled with ups and downs, except this ride, ​“Life in a Pandemic​”, isn’t one I can sit out.

So how does someone who longs to control things in her life handle the fact that so many things are outside of my control? How do I find joy when everywhere I look is bad news? How do I wake up each day, put a smile on my face and tackle the roller coaster ahead of me?

Honestly, not always well. Some days I pout. Some days I yell at myself for pouting, reminding myself of the great privilege I still have every day, and then I feel guilty. Some days I’m full of apathy, I feel like I can’t get anything accomplished and lose patience with my family. And some days, I do great.

Hey wait...those ups and downs sound like just a roller coaster.

Some days I tell myself that I’m going to let go of all the things I can’t control and deal with them when they come to me. And that works...until I get a text asking what I’m going to do about school, or if I’m going to sign the kids up for fall sports. Then the anxiety, lack of control and self- doubt creep back in. I try to center myself on controlling the things I have the power to control – my decisions, my emotions, my little world. I may have to adapt based on the decisions of others, but ultimately I still have control, it just looks different.

I’m not sharing this so you feel badly for me, because I promise I’m doing just fine. Instead, I share so if you are experiencing these things too, you’ll know you are not alone. Find an outlet – I find moving my body is helpful for me. I also find a glass of wine can be helpful. I’m on a group text with friends, and memes and gifs are our language of choice. Find what’s right for you and celebrate when something brings you joy.

Hang in there friends! And if you ever need someone to hold your bag at Worlds of Fun, let me know. I’ll be the one sitting on the bench with nine bags and some cotton candy!